You so crazy...

Ladies! The last two weeks have been like hell in a handbasket. I woke up this morning feeling like I was drowning. I mean have you ever had a time in your life when you felt like you were drowning. I won't go into specifics of my situation because I know some of the people who absolutely hate my guts read this blog to get all of their gossip and information on my life. This is potentially a post which will most certainly cause my Momma to call me. Why? Cause I got a black momma. I had a plan to transition to Kansas City but, I somehow let a few people talk me into a plan which caused me to depend on a family member. You all know where this is going right? Well, this family member put me in a bind. I am currently on the search for a place to live and staying with someone I am not even related too who has treated me like family. Ain't that some bullshit. Sometimes friends are better to you than family! Well, I have been out of work for longer than I anticipated and the job search when you are a person over forty can be super tricky. It doesn't help that I have chosen a field where black women are like a rare coin and are few and far between. My confidence has been up and down but this morning it hit an all-time low.....Side bar here...God's will is not always determined by things that go smoothly. That ladies is immature faith. Sometimes God calls you into the chaos. I believe you can be in the perfect will of God and in the very midst of your life falling completely apart. You heard me, Sis. You...Yes, you the one who has been crying and praying and hoping for God to answer your prayers. He is waiting for you to make the first move.

I was forced to take a long break while writing this and in that time I got 3 back to back encouraging calls. I am really not unsure of God's ability to answer my prayers. I am a little upset with his timeline. Ugghhh.....Well, one of the main reasons I wanted to write today is to the sisters of the struggle who have anxiety in their life. Anxiety about nothing in particular and also about everything. Anxiety about your future and anxiety about your past. A person I have never called a friend decided to tell someone I loved that I was "crazy". I guess it was such a surprise because I will give someone the shirt off my back. It bothered me because this person has no idea about the struggles I have faced in my life. She doesn't know how hard I work to not be crazy. But, we all know misery loves company. The person she told is no longer in my life either. I just am too old to have folks in my life who entertain these types of conversations about me. I realized in a moment of clarity that I deserved more. I spent too much time trying to figure out why she would do something like this to me. Then it occurred to me...I am not in her mind worthy enough to have this person in my life. The sad part of it all is this woman will not prosper in her life being messy in the lives of others. I haven't lost a thing actually I have gained more perspective on who I am. Ladies most of the attacks from insecure females are rooted in envy and jealousy. You don't look like what you been through.

So I am currently in a new city. Learning all the things I need to learn and feeling nervous and anxious. Knowing this is a God move but wanting to make a Kymira move....Kymira is tired of this shit and wants to go to her momma's house and hide from the world. But, in the words of Kanye "I am being radically obedient to Jesus" Get You Some. I am not sure why folks are so mad at Ye for his Sunday Service. If Ye is beyond redemption then why the hell do we even believe. I know how big God is which is why I have no intentions of letting any of the folks hating on my life have their way. In my failures, I learn to fly. In my mistakes, I refine my mission. In my hardships, I learn to hustle. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Queens, I am in the best spot to see God work. It is my time, it is my season. Who in this internets am I preaching too? Ha! this chick called me crazy I am in perfect company. They said Harriett Tubman was crazy when she spoke about her vision to free the slaves. There has not been a successful woman or man who hasn't been called crazy by someone with less vision, less class, and less grace. So as I continue to expand my network of crazy-ass mofos who will definitely impact the world....stay the fuck outta my way. If you are not a part of my global network of magical black girls who run all the shit you are part of the haters against me. I can not believe I had to mention haters that is so 90's. Take it up with my God that I don't look like what I been through and they do. Ladies, you are unapologetically dope. It is in your DNA it is your superpower. Drink wine, read books and run all the shit. Peace and hair grease yo girl K....with her ole crazy ass.