When Life Gives You Lemons

Happy Monday! Well today has turned out to be a pretty interesting and kinda shitty day. Oh well. For starters I spent my entire day writing a blog post only to accidentally delete it and not have it saved anywhere. I did not know it would be this hard to blog. I mean I constantly have an overflow of stuff running through my mind but, writing it out and preparing this for others to read has been a challenge. I am however, incredibly thankful to those who have sent me a text, email, message etc encouraging me to continue. I want to send a special shout out to the men who read this blog. Your encouragement has meant the world to me. To all those who have asked about Bae.....well Bae is umm Bae. I will just leave it at that. We are good, growing and teaching each other every day how wonderful life can be with another person. Since I am already talking about Bae I will say one other thing. Ladies if yo man and you can't dream about things that you want to do together in life you may want to re evaluate some things. We all have our own visions of what we would like for our lives to be and what we want to be about. Bae and I both love young people, black people, and our community. We both know that we will eventually do something phenomenal and life changing for others. We are both people who have a vision for the legacy we want to leave our children and grandchildren (when we have some). Bae's heart for young black men makes my whole entire heart melt. He is one who stands in the gap for those who don't have fathers in their life. That shit is sexy AF!!! Moving on from Bae to another subject. I am totally pissed off about the fact that romaine lettuce is gone. I mean iceberg lettuce is basically of the devil. I blame many of the world's societal ills on iceberg lettuce. Seriously!! What is iceberg good for??!! It's tasteless and basically gross! Somebody please call 911 and tell them we need romaine lettuce back! Damn it! Okay enough of that rant. A couple of weeks ago I was listening to a book entitled "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson. There were a lot of good takeaways from the book but I want to bring your attention to this particular quote:

"People don't burn out on what they do they burn out because life makes them forget why they do it." Mark Manson

I can remember the exact moment that I knew I needed to make a huge change. I was laying in my apartment in DC where I had lived for about 8 years. My room looked like a tornado hit it. I was arguing with my landlord about a leak in my place when I noticed a huge bubble forming in the drywall in my living room area. I told myself I am done with this apartment and things have to change. I promptly left town and let my daughter pick out the next apartment we would live in knowing that we would sign a short lease. I then began the process of purging clothes, shoes, bags etc. I had blown up to a little over 200 lbs and I was unable to fit anything in my closet anyway. The next six months would prove to be a wonderful time of having a patio for the first time in years and enjoying sitting outside smoking cigars and drinking Maker's Mark. I had downsized and kept my room immaculate. I buckled down and started the process of finding a new gig. Long story short the time frame that I gave myself passed and I found myself making a move to Mississippi. When I finally drove the largest cargo van I have ever seen to retrieve the rest of my things I was starting to feel free. My little apartment here is a place of peace for me. I mean peace is something I have learned to maintain through SELF CARE! Yup I am screaming that to you. Take care of yourself. It took me moving away for me to find my why? I was completely burnt out. I had no idea how many toxic people, bad memories, and broken promises kept me bound. But, when I moved I found myself. I was able to heal in some deep and profound ways. WWRS we are always clutch for everyone around us and we want someone to really SEE us. Not the representative that we are forced to send out daily because the job requires that. When someone truly sees us we immediately shine. Bae is one of the very few men who has actually seen me. Me being Me doesn't threaten him....He celebrates that and tells me how bomb I am daily. Now if I could figure out how to bottle that feeling of truly being seen and sell it in Nordstrom I would be a multimillionaire. We crave that! Sisters! if you haven't found people in your life who see you and make you shine keep living. This person doesn't have to be a male but they definitely need to be prepared to ride for you. Cuz I promise you so many other people will tell you all of your faults. I would consider myself to have a plethora of confidence. I keep an abundance of it cuz the way this world is set up the haters and the dream stealers are waiting to beat it all out of you. I have been tall my entire life. Being a tall woman comes with a whole set of stuff. I am 6ft tall and most times I wear heels. People stare at me, they say weird shit and sometimes they are just flat out rude. I have lived with this most of my life. I have embraced my height and I don't allow other people to tell me what they think about what I wear, who I date and how I carry myself. Listen! Being tall as a guy is an asset as a woman it is oftentimes a problem. But Honey it is not my problem it is the other person's issue. I say this because self care is a big part of helping me feel confident.

Self Care is something that we have to practice. I can remember when I was working I would get so depressed over housekeeping. So I hired a cleaning service to come twice a month. I mean I traveled a ton, I was a single parent and I had a social life of sorts. When I had time I didn't want to spend my time cleaning up I wanted to be out going to brunch etc. For me this was self care. Let me set some women free. Women are all different. Some women love to clean. It is something that makes them feel better when they are done. I was never this person. As a kid I can remember my mom making me clean my room and I would take all weekend. I am a person who gets distracted by the fine details. I can spend hours cleaning and it looks like I haven't done a thing because I have been distracted sorting out buttons. Two things have helped me purging and having someone help me with organizing. Now I can organize a schedule, people, etc but a closet might take me a very long time. So having a cleaning service when I had a really hectic schedule was life giving and a matter of self care. What feels like self care to one women may not be self care for another. I am saying find the things that fill your cup and stick to those things. Here is one thing that has helped me tremendously. I try to sit in silence for a bit before I get out of bed in the mornings. I practice some deep breathing, say some affirmations, whisper a prayer for the day and then I pick up my phone to check emails etc. This time helps me center myself for the day. For me it is a part of my self care ritual I have established. Maybe you might designate a sacred space in your place. It can be as small or as large as you like. It could be a room or a simple windowsill lined with a beautiful scarf and a few things that bring you peace. Just make sure you have a place that you can meditate, pray, journal, or think. This was life changing for me. Self care keeps us in the game. For WWRS self care is an essential and integral part of us having longevity in our career and lives. Sis whatever brings you life incorporate that into your ritual. Make it a priority and be consistent. Sometimes life brings you lemons...grab the salt and the Tequila and keep pressing!