Mind the Business That Pays You

First of all, Happy New Year. My word or rather phrase for this year is "level up". Well, I started off strong but, I feel a bit stalled currently. I had a huge regret hovering over me. I don't know if you have ever experienced this feeling. It was like a millstone around my neck....did I just say millstone. It sounds right but, I don't even know what a millstone is. Shit, let me google. BRB! Oh okay, I heard this in church or when reading my bible and a millstone is big as shit...so yeah that is an appropriate description. I am messy (not start a whole bunch of shit messy the other one). I always have been. However, I went through a stage where I was forced to purge and get my space together. I also suffer from anxiety and, the clutter actually makes me anxious. Ain't that some shit? When I moved here to Kansas City I was living in a studio. That was the perfect size space for me. I have since upgraded to a two-bedroom and I am looking at shit everywhere. If I am honest it's just too many doors to close in this joint. Aside from being messy, I am a procrastinator...I don't typically procrastinate about stuff I need to do for others. But for myself, I will push it aside. I am also a sequential learner. This combination makes me a beast at what I do professionally. I am super organized and I major in the fine details. I said all of that to say. I had pushed through this regret and on Jan 6, 2021, it was over! Let me say this for somebody on this blog who has a similar temperament. Being a person who deals with the fine details I struggle when cleaning up. When things are disorganized I realize I have to start with a very specific plan. If not I will spend hours sorting fucking buttons or something like this. Welp, the millstone is gone. Now, what the fuck do I have to obsess about?

I have a theory I have been wanting to test out. I have been in several conversations with many different women of all ages about Jazmine Sullivan's newest project Heaux Tales. My theory is simple there are some women who are incredibly bitter with other women....why though? Because they feel like they have done everything right. No babies out of wedlock...check, finished college...check, advanced degree...check, luxury car...check, and their own crib...check. Then there those who are married...check, 2.5 kids...check, matching pajama pictures....check...you get the picture. Now the rebels like myself who do/did not follow the rules or shall I say societal norms seem to be winning. Why? Because we have some regrets or some other baggage that drives us to get our shit together. Bitterness is sometimes entitlement to the fucking tenth power. "I did it all right and why TF am I not winning?" But WWRS what the fuck does winning look like? Therapy has been a friend of mine because I had to work through my own shit. I had a baby at 23. Raised said baby by myself got her through college and grad school and then I passed her off to her husband. So now I am like Southwest...free to roam about the globe freely. However, I see many women unhappy and unfulfilled. Brittney Cooper in her book, "Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower" talked about a childhood friend who had gotten pregnant young and people said she had ruined her life. Brittney actually came in contact with her as an adult and she was doing well. She had kids, she had gone to school and became a nurse, and was as happy as she could be. Brittney talked about how she had gone to college and grad school and never got pregnant had a wonderful career. She said she felt like she was the one who had gotten the shitty end of the stick. She had no kid, no man, and was lonely AF with a biological clock blinking in bright red. Here is what my theory is about the people who make life-altering decisions that "fuck up your life". I think we fuck ups or the majority of us throw that shit on our back and press forward. If I am honest my daughter probably saved my life. Cuz honey I was at the North Carolina A& T State University doing the fool. Having her made me have to think about someone other than myself. I was forced to grow the fuck up and fast. I paid the price for my decisions. She is the best thing I have done in my life periodt. But, there are regrets. Being a single parent is hard AF by the way.

Bae and I were having a conversation and he said you are so damn independent you don't need a man for anything. ( The D is the exception) Through tears, I said, "I am this way because I have to be." I have to be strong and independent because there is no one to do this shit for me. He then asked, " What do you need from a man?". I struggled to find the words to say. I struggled with being that vulnerable. If I am honest it hit a trigger. The church, our family, and a whole host of other motherfuckers like to tell Women Who Run Shit why they don't have a man. You need to control your mouth, your weight...your anger blah, blah, blah. You have to learn how to tell these people to mind the business that pays them. Why the fuck do you want me to have a man so bad? Having a man is not my goal. If it was I would have one. Not everyone needs to be married and have kids to be happy. I have single friends who have decided to focus on career and doing the things they love. Are they lonely? Sometimes but, married people also get lonely. They have nieces, nephews, godchildren, and mentees that they love fiercely. They have family and community it may not look like married with 2 kids, a dog, a big house with a luxury car in the garage. It might look like doing a job they love, owning multiple properties, and buy whatever the fuck you want cuz you can. It also might look like traveling the world solo and visiting all fifty states crossing off your bucket list. Whatever you do in your life to have community, love, joy, and peace is not the business of other people. We all have to learn how to make our lives full and happy.

We have to learn not to look to other people #relationshipgoals. We can look at people and think we want their life but, we are only looking at the surface. We don't know what they have had to sacrifice, put on hold or never accomplish. WWRS if you are seriously struggling with these things I invite you to go see the people. ( get a therapist) Ladies we have to learn how to work through our shit. We can not expect a man to make us happy or whole. Our mothers and grandmothers lived in a different time. They have a different perspective of life, work, and relationships. If you are married and you and your partner have decided not to have kids that is your business. Find a way to be happy at the place you are at in life. Don't let these miserable mofos make you feel less than. 2020 kicked us in the ass. 2021 might kick too, but if it does kick it back. Buy the shoes and wear them every day don't wait for a special occasion. Put on some lipstick, I suggest a vibrant red. Do whatever the fuck you want to cuz baby girl you deserve it! When you have a glass of wine or a great cocktail make a toast for me because I kicked regret in the ass! 2021 and any bullshit you might have with you I am ready to kick your ass in a pair of killer shoes and some red lipstick. Cheers!