Dismantling the Angry Black Woman

Sisters....I am so grateful for technology like Audible. I have had a busy last few days jam packed with responsibilities, laughs, love, hugs, kisses and a few moments with Bae. However, like most of you know, it all comes with a price. I had to leave my wonderful, comfortable bed. Let me tell you something I wish someone would have told me years ago that one of your biggest investments needs to be in a bed. Listen Boo...spend you a grip of money on a great bed with a wonderful mattress. Sleep is super important! If you are one of those of us who have struggles with sleep. I mean I have sleep drama. It comes from a myriad of things one being serving in Desert Storm. I also have severe sleep apnea which means I sleep with a CPAP. It also means I stop breathing in my sleep. So I need a machine to force air through my nose to keep my airway clear so that I won't stop breathing in my sleep. I have no idea how long I have had this condition but, it has meant that my sleep is broken and not at all restful. But, that only helps if you can fall asleep. Sometimes I may go a few days with a few hours of sleep. I also struggle with some other health issues that having a pimped out bed has changed my whole life. Treat yourself to a great mattress, if you are like me and you need an adjustable base to keep pressure off certain parts of your body. Yes damn it I am talking about you spending a coin on a bed. So when I am traveling and sleeping in different beds my body reminds me of why I need the bed I have at home so much.

Getting back to the technology. I have spent many hours in the car driving to many different places. I am one of those people who loves to drive. I find clarity of thought when I am on a long drive. I can think, process and plan when I am driving. I have loved my subscription to Audible for this reason. I have always been an avid reader. I love books, real books, e books and now audio books. So on my drive I have been listening to Michelle Obama read her book "Becoming". This has been a wonderful treat. I have daily check ins with Bae about what I am learning from the voice and writing of this beautiful, brilliant and wise woman. Michelle Obama is the epitome of a Woman Who Runs Shit!! Hello, being married to the leader of the free world and running the White House as the first black woman is the definition of #goals. I mean hearing her story Sisters sounds so much like my own journey on a smaller scale. I have laughed and cried listening to this Queen detail the sacrifice she and her family had to make as the first black First family.

"I was a female, black and strong which to certain people maintaining a certain mindset, translated only to "angry". It was another damaging cliche, one that has been forever used to sweep minority women to the perimeter of every room, an unconscious signal not to listen to what we've got to say."

Michelle Obama

This quote right here!! Sheesh!! I have fought with this all of my black life. "All my life I have had to fight!!!" in my best Color Purple voice. I mean hearing her read this meant I needed to get a hard copy of the book so that I could highlight it and have it to know that this is not just me. It is true of all Women Who Run Shit who are black. In parts of my professional career I have wrestled with this phrase "angry black woman" way more than I want to admit. These words have been used to discount my intellect, my intelligence and to stop me from making an impact. Kymira would be a really great leader if she wasn't so confrontational. TF????!!! I mean men have the opportunity to lead without all this bullshit. I have been told this is why you are not married you need to prepare yourself to submit. Then I look at the person speaking and say "Pluleassssseeee!!! If somebody married your lazy, fat, incompetent, whiny ass then I won't have any problem. We sit in rooms and hear men complain about how hard their life is when at the same time they have a whole wife who takes care of their children, makes dinner and often times has to deal with some asshole on her job saying the same dumb shit he is saying to me. I mean I raised an Architectural Engineer as a single mom, without child support, and with pride and grace. Yet I find myself in a room with a bunch of men who are judging me if I get passionate or if I show any sign of emotion. I mean SERIOUSLY!!! I basically walk on water! Tuh!!!

When a man cries when describing something sad or inspiring he is viewed as "deep, passionate and real". Oh but honey when a women cries she is weak, emotional, out of control, unable to handle the job, unaware, basically she is a hot ass mess. Really??!! We have periods, we birth babies, we even run all the shit!! But, yet we are reduced to this misogyny and slander. It is painful. It causes us to enter into the cycle that Michelle Obama talks about so eloquently. It is at that moment we become angry. We are not angry about the matter at hand but, frustrated and angry because I have to shout and show my whole ass in order for you to listen to me! Now I have a habit of raising my voice when I want to be heard. I am a 6 ft woman with a loud and kind of deep voice. I am deeply passionate. I have been a public speaker for many years so projecting my voice is natural to me. When I am speaking I usually tell the person who is doing sound to adjust my mic when I get too loud. It is what the fuck it is! What pisses me off to no end is when people say shit like calm down or why are you getting so upset. I just talk loud! Always have and always will. Everybody who knows me knows this. I am LOUD!! This only reinforces more of the things that have already been deposited. It makes that tape just play louder and louder. The tape that says "You are messed up" "You are not enough" "You need to shrink yourself to make others feel more comfortable" Fuck all that!!!

Listen ladies do not allow other people to make you feel bad about the thing that makes you amazing at your job. Join the sorority of Angry Black Women. They are folks like Harriet Tubman, Angela Davis, Oprah, and yes Michelle Obama. Get comfortable with that phrase. Just know when you are called angry and you know you are not angry. When you know the cause you are championing is important and you are the woman who is getting the job done. When you get the cue about being angry take a deep breath, flash your very best paparazzi smile, drop your voice down to a monotone and give them the mother fucking business. The gift of still saying what the hell I want to say in a monotone is the gift that keeps on giving. Nothing can save your ass from this truth! What you have to say is important. You are on this job because you have worked hard as hell to get to this spot. Make no apologies for this. You are a fucking Boss. So get up in the morning repeat those affirmations. Put on your cute shoes, your power suit and wear your favorite lipstick. You are the smartest person in that damn room, you are the hardest worker, you are the Boss and you just happen to be a woman. Be sure about who you are. Find your voice. If you have shit that you need to deal with get a therapist, a personal trainer, a gym membership, a new hairstylist or a life coach. Don't be afraid to set your SMART goals. Take care of you. Squad up! Find your people and know that without the so called Angry Black Women a lot of shit wouldn't get done. The Angry Black Woman moniker is a trap don't fall for it Sis. Take it in stride. You don't owe nobody shit. Don't try to defend yourself just keep doing dope shit, being flawless while doing it and run all the shit effortless because you were born to do it. The best revenge in the words of that great Queen Bey is yo paper!